A Day of Indulgence

May Day is here and there’s nothing like spending the day walking outside, shopping, and browsing book shelves without a time limit. This is a fresh start to spring. I spent the day indulging and not worrying about money. It’s my birthday month and I decided to treat myself to a new wardrobe, add more steps to my physical activity goals by walking outside and shopping, and finally feeding my brain with good words.

With one more layer of clothing peeled off, my mood felt lighter too as I walked to the shops. I could lift my head up to sun and finally feel the warmth. A slight breeze in the spring air was fine until I walked into a swarm of gnats. Breath blew out so they didn’t get sucked in and with a quick jerk and duck I sighed in relief. No bugs were eaten or stuck in corners of my eyes. Another huff of relief because none enter the nose.

Walking on carefully squinting to avoid any more clouds of socializing bugs. It’s definitely warmed up and it still feels too early for them. I’m not ready for our state bird, the mosquito, to be on the hunt. Good thing I learned to keep bug spray in the car.

Crisis averted, I started to relax again and enjoy the warm weather. Not too cold, not too hot. Even though I add another year to my age this month, I stilled felt good as I reflected on the changes I’ve made over the past two years. This is the start of my second year, working independently at home.

I can’t complain because my wish to return as a domestic cat came true. I made it come true. I can snuggle under heated blankets, stay up at night, work when I feel like it, and nap without guilt a boss to disturb me. I’m not chained to a desk, and some people are jealous maybe even a little bitter because I’m not under the tyranny of boss where every second has to be kept at the highest level of production at all times.

By the way, my last boss wasn’t that bad. But the pressure and stress to deliver perfection was there and it was real because I worked to provide professional services for another client. I was responsible for managing a team that was supposed to provide the highest level of servants to a group of lawyers. When you have other people’s lives in your hands and millions of dollars on the line, you kind of expect perfection.

Trying to run my own business and deliver high end services at another job was a little too much. Worrying about missing deadlines and worrying about not being able to participate in a show because someone called in sick when you paid over a $1,000 in non-refundable funds wasn’t the greatest experience either.

I had to choose because doing both was effecting my health. I knew it was only going to get worse because I also get insomnia from time to time. You can only imagine what else that would do to a person. Taking the leap was scary and took consideration. Did I let my art and writing die when it’s what I’ve dreamed about doing since I was a child?

Some might said to keep it was a hobby. But did they really understand how that hobby was growing? Keeping the day job that wasn’t my passion was the sensible thing to do, for my parents. But I’m not them.

So, I did the thing that scared me. I did what many people dream about but never do. I made art and books my life. And it was one of the most liberating feelings I’ve ever had in my life. Are there worries? Yes, but now I ask myself why I waited so long. Who cares if it doesn’t work. Besides, you can be fired at anytime and no one could care. I’m not stuck. I can make changes and adjustments at any time.

No more waiting. Life is too short and too many people I knew passed away before they could retire. I also realized that I would have to deal with finances no matter how much I make. Now, I wouldn’t change the freedom of my schedule at all.

Will I always do this? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m done pressuring and punishing myself. If I change my mind later, oh well. My inner cat says, “Meh” too. Why are we so hard on ourselves or someone else for changing their mind? Most people I know still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up or aren’t doing the thing they dream about. The path of life doesn’t go in a straight line. Maybe telling ourselves that we have to do the same thing for the rest of our lives holds back our self discovery.

At least, my self discovery is in motion. As I get older, my goals in life get simpler, and that’s what I call wisdom. The childhood fairytale with castles and courts have changed into just wanting to be happy most of the time. Part of me doesn’t mind the days when I feel a French melancholy. Sometimes the tears help me feel human.

Sometimes the miracle of life is making sense of anything in this world. Simple is better. I’m still trying to find my “one true sentence” and then have it happen more often. Inspired by Hemingway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to find truth in my words more often.

One way to get closer to to the kinds of words I would like to write is continuing to feed my brains with good writing by other authors. The trip to the book store today lead to some treasures. My reading finds for the month are, The Twilight In Paris, by Pam Jenoff. This week follows my interest in war time and post war time in London. I’ve been following vlogs that talk about recipes inspired by war time rationing. It didn’t surprise me when I picked up this book that takes place in 1953 London. The real treat is that this is a limited edition copy from Barnes & Noble that was signed by the author. I had no idea that they started selling these.

The second book I picked up is, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I’ve picked this book up several times while at the book store and I finally made the purchase. It’s a cozy read about going on a journey to find treasure while gaining the wisdom through self discovery. A read that might help me feel more human on somber days.

My final stop this weekend is for chips and salsa, a daiquiri for the husband, and something too spicy to finish for Cinco De Mayo celebrations. Snacks and a good drink before walking home in the dark are a must.

Listening to cars pass with their headlights on and feeling goosebumps on my skin isn’t a bad way to end a day of indulgence. Not seeing the gnats in the dark is probably better. I did manage to remain bug free as the key turned in the door.

My monthly reads are resting on the sofa next to me as my fingers hit the keyboard and all I can think is that I need more days like this one.

I hope you find your day of indulgence, and some new reads. Stay word hungry out there!

Imagine Inspire Create: 52 Weeks of action and gratitude is available at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09S6XCLFY/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_Q7MHM9CFBSASDG56YMJQ

Get closer to your writing goals with my Writer’s Journal filled with writing prompts and exercises. You can find a copy at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0931QRL7C/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_VTHN0QSHXRYK6RJ1XSWQ.